Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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