WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
