Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
