Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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