fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
