no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
