The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How's work?
Spinning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
