I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize