But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
