Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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