But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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