just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
