why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
