im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just want nice things and good sex
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
