Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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