Umm I'm too high to move.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is wine microwaveable?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
