look no pants
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
