So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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