i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
