last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
