i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize