he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
