So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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