I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
