There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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