I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
