Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
