I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
