I think I won the penis lottery.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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