JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
