I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
