I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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