Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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