I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
