Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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