Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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