Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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