Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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