I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
