the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
