last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
