I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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