I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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