I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
