Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i think i just lost a toe
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
