yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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