If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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