You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
