And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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