i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
