Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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