Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize