happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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