Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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