If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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