OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
