The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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