And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
