hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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