he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
