She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
