i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
