I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
