Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
