i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
