we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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