I'm so fucking centered right now
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
