I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
