I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
pray to the hookup gods
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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