the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
