I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
