I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
