She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
this hospital has no fireball
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
