Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
